Erica...lessons learned on the steps

So one night, I was leaving my girlfriend’s house, and I saw a girl. Crying. Now when I say crying it doesn’t even begin to portray what I saw. I don’t even think words could accurately describe the sight I saw, but it may have been one of the most abhorringly upsetting scenes I’ve ever witnessed. Her eyes were bloodshot from the tears, and she was keeled over and vomiting. She had on what looked like a shower cap, hair underneath disheveled and her otherwise fair complexion was completely red.

“Sir, can you please help me? I just need some help. I feel really depressed…here’s my last $10…I’m just feeling really depressed.”

“I don’t want your money…what’s wrong?”

“I just need someone to talk to…”

Not really knowing how to react, I sat and talked to this young lady for about 30 minutes about her family. Everything from a drug addict mother to an abusive brother, both of whom take money from her. General lack of support at home. Apparently she’d forgotten to take her medication for depression (hence her current condition). She also explained her aspirations to go to college, but being held back by her family. “I don’t have money because they’re always taking it.” Her name is Erica. She’s 20.

We sat there, and waited for the police to arrive (at her request), and talked more. I refused to believe that the damages in her relationship with her family were irreparable. I refused to believe that a home could be broken beyond the bounds of love. She was otherwise convinced. I tried to imagine Erica with a smile on her face, and wondered how often it makes an appearance. And how pretty she’d be having lived a “better” life. How at such a young age these occurrences would impact the rest of her life. How far back it’d gone, and how long it would persist. How blessed I am…

Then I started to wonder in general, how strong is love? I had no doubt in my mind that her brother and mother love her. How could they not? But how far does that take you? Of course I don’t know the answer to that question, but I like to think that it takes you as far as it needs to. How far that is, of course, depends on the relationship and the people in it. Maybe I need to stop living in the clouds, thinking that love conquers all. I just find it difficult to fathom that love is, by any stretch of the imagination, finite. That two people who love each other – a mother and a daughter, two sisters or even two friends – can reach a point where an understanding or common ground is unattainable. Maybe I’m being too idealistic or old-fashioned. Not everyone responds the same to this level of optimism with no grounds or logic to support it. But I’ve seen enough and been through enough to know that you only get one family, and really good friends are hard to come by, and they can be gone with a blink of an eye. Then you’re stuck wishing you had more memories…

The most wonderful time of the year

We are coming up on my favorite time of year. The Holidays. Doesn't matter what god you pray to - just about everyone gets excited around this time...

Thanksgiving. It means a variety of things - you get to see family you haven't seen in a while. Friends you don't see too often come home from school and you pick up right where you left off. You meet your homeboy's new girlfriend for the first time. Or your sister's new fiance. Or your brand new niece or nephew. You get to eat your grandmother's home cooking. You get to watch the parade. Ok, you probably sleep through the parade but you know that shit is on. Then you have a football game to watch at noon. Another one at 3. Another one at 6. Watch it with your uncles and cousins. Hate the fact that you have to work the next day, but live in the now while you're with your loved ones. That's what I'm doing a week from today.

And it's cold outside. I catch a lot of flack when I say this but I love cold weather. Don't get me wrong - there isn't much you can't do with a sunny 70-degree day. But the cold is only for those who can appreciate it. Some people rush from the car to the front door. Me...I take deeper breaths. Inhale the crisp winter air. Embrace the gusts of wind that welcome me when I set foot outside. Tell the birds, "see you in Spring, bitches." It actually snowed yesterday in Baltimore. If at any point I was having a bad day, seeing frozen precipitation was a quick remedy. I couldn't wait to wear sweaters, coats, scarves. And I get it for 4 more months! Summer, take your time.

Lest we forget about Christmas? Oh yeah. I'm not even talking about Santa and them. Those boys can stay up in the North Pole for all I care. As much as I complain there's a certain appeal to going to the mall on that last Saturday before Christmas. Seeing all those families together. Little kids who have no idea that the one toy they've wanted all year is waiting in their parents' closet till its debut on Christmas morning. Certain appeal to driving around and seeing all the houses lit up with decorations. Thinking about the family time that went into decorating that tree you see in the living room window. Certain appeal to walking into the house and being overwhelmed with the scent of pine. Certain appeal about the cologne you got for Christmas - it still takes you back even when it's June. And there's a certain appeal to seeing people's reactions to the gift you got for them. It's the best when they're really surprised.

Never been big on New Year's Eve celebrations, but my birthday is January 14 (act accordingly), and I'm actually looking forward to this one. Yes I'm getting old. Fuck it. Staring 30 dead in the grill. But I can dig it... Don't usually get a lot of birthday presents; since it's so close to Christmas people think they can do the "combined" gift. Weak. But I think I'm going to start enjoying birthdays. It's an excuse for me to get all the people I care about together. This year will be no different, so mark your calendars...

I'm all done here. This all may be a bit premature, but I just thought I'd share. Thanks for listening. Here's to the next few months...