The Speakeasy will win

This eating healthy thing is going to raise my blood pressure. I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago and I asked her what my diet should look like. She asked me what it looked like now. The conversation something went like this:

Me: I try not to eat late (lying like shit), not a whole lot of red meat, I get my fill of vegetables, fruit, drink lots of water.
Her: That sounds about right. How often do you eat red meat?
Me: Maybe once or twice a week.
Her: Good. And vegetables? Fruits? How many a day?

A day doc? I eat like three a week. On a good week. Sometimes two a month. She then proceeded to tell me I should be eating nine servings of fruit/vegetables a day. Nine? Let's say I'm awake and functional (on average) for 18 hours a day. That means I am eating a vegetable or fruit every other hour...and that's not even factoring in travel time, showers, throw a nap in there, time I might be eating other food, etc.

She then proceeded to tell me I needed to eat different types of fruit and vegetables. She explained that each color represented a different vitamin/mineral/chemical or whatever that would help me live longer. Bananas are yellow so that means this. Tomatoes are red so that means this. Carrots are orange so they're good for this.

Well dammit lady, give me a plate of nachos covered with jalapenos, sour cream, taco meat and salsa - all kinds of colors, and it tastes delicious. Beer comes in all shades of brown, from pale ale and lager amber to the more earthy umber of porters and stouts. And beer is great. Don't worry doc, I'll still eat my veggies. I usually get lettuce and fried onions on my burger. No pictures this time. I'm hungry.

PS - Fried provolone cheese on a burger is never a good idea.